Guys give me a small opinion please! =o More 4poems =P

[DirtyKiller]

Guys well back to my hobbies I made this recently I know for sure I have some sintax errors and grammar ,etc.
I just dont know exactly how to solve them since my english doesnt know that much some help at fixing errors would be great!
Anyways open the spoiler ty! =)

Spoiler:

I´ve got so many fears
My face is crying plenty tears
Coming from my soul
You are beautiful like the bright moon.

I can hear your eco on my heart
I wished I could make this pain dissappear
Like a flashback running around
Your image appears so many times on my mind.

I know your my lover
And your just eleven years old
I don´t need someone to tell me
With who can I go around and face this lonely world.

I will always love you, and I always wanted to hold you
I wanna to be with you everyday
And every night I dont wanna leave this world without you
Because I cant live without you in my heart.

You know that your actions will put me down
And yet too finish so many pages
So many tears I have cried
And I have been in sorrow for ages.

My heart is aching
And I feel so lost
I need your love.
So I can stop feeling this hate.

I know your just eleven years old
But you act like a teenager girl
I am going throught a bad moment
And I want you notice.

Your all that comes across my mind
I´ve asked myself to stop feeling so many fears
You make me so happy
But I don´t wanna hurt you and make you cry those sad tears.

[Bartimaeus]

I'm sorry, DirtyKiller, you've made me not want to read any poems, ever again, with them being so long, and with all the grammar errors.

(edit) This one's really, really short, compared to your other ones...I MIGHT be able to read it...lol

[Senethior459]

Your heart is acking?

Actually, this is pretty decent. Much shorter, too, which is nice. Your previous poems were approaching the length of an epic...

[Luciferianism]

Your heart is acking?

Maybe you should tell him the correct spelling, it seems kind of rude to say that.

To DirtyKiller: It's aching. (Your native language might not be English, and I fully understand that, just wanted to point it out)

Also, I did like your poem, you are very good at writing them. Continue to write! = )

[Kirby999]

ur girl friend is 11 year old. CP CP CP

[DirtyKiller]

Kirby I might consider kick your ass lol.
Well I needed some grammar and lexical errors to be fixed because I dont know them all exactly like for example acking thx for solving the error. xD

[Kupownage]

This is the first one of your poems I've been able to finish, so in that regard it gets props =P. I like that you cut it down from your thousand line epics of the past. I thought it was pretty decent, grammar is atrocious, but that can be fixed

On an aside, why are you so serious at 10-12? I mean DAMN. You should lighten up a bit.

[DirtyKiller]

Lol she is 11. Well I wouldnt be like this if her mother stopped being so mean to me.
Or you think its nice her mother telling me that children are alive just to suffer?-.-
I never said that too my gf and she is only 11. I always protected her when I could I never was any harm to her so yeah I kinda feel I dunno how to even express.... =/
I know her mother is a bit scared ok thats normal but saying that comments arent they a bit to throw someone down if you get my point.... =/
And well I really like my gf.
Im with her almost 8 months so I dunno. =/

[DirtyKiller]

Guys I´ve made another one and its even smaller. xD

Spoiler:

I want you notice
From all the times we were together
I never let you aside
Please let me hold you.

I wanna love you
And wanna show too you
One different world
I can only show.

My strenght is my love
That I feel so strongly for you
Even tought I might be down
I wont make you drown.

The past makes me remember
The good times we are still together
And I must be crazy enough
Too love someone so much like you.

And when the night falls
Your my shining star
That shines more then the sky
Because your the light that surrounds me.

You give me the life
That vanished from me
Let me hold you one more time
And let me feel this strong embrace.

[Senethior459]

Very nice. A few small errors, but I'm guessing those were made when you translated it to English? The best one so far, in my opinion.

So... Maybe you should start thinking about how you're going to give this to her. Are you going to email it? Print it out/write it down and mail it? Visit her and read it to her? Find a good song, visit her, and sing it to her? (I suggest the last two. They'll let you really express yourself to her. If you do them, though, I suggest rehearsing it, at least a little.)