You guys like this music/poem I made?The Seventh Upgrade! =)

Talk about anything you want, but keep it within the rules, please.

What you think?!

I like it seems nice.
4
50%
Could be better?
1
13%
Not so good!
1
13%
Dont choose gay or your noob?! xD
2
25%
 
Total votes: 8

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DirtyKiller
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Posts: 398
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Title: The Faithful
Location: Portugal

You guys like this music/poem I made?The Seventh Upgrade! =)

Post by DirtyKiller »

Open the spoiler above and check if you like it!
As myself I choosed not so good because im sad dunno what to think or say!
Spoiler:
I will never leave you alone,
I want to learn,
Don't make me suffer,
I wish to know what's the best way to love you,
I don't want to be a silly, sad guy.

But try to understand, from all the times we were together,
I never let you aside,
But why now?
Why now?
That I love you here.

I'm not mean, I never meant to hurt you
But hear my heart beat
It's suffering,
I never wanted to hear what you wanted to say,
Tell it to me again to understand.

Maybe I'm a bonehead,
But I'll never leave you alone
Even if you don't understand,
I'll try to teach it to you in other words,
Even if that means a whole life.

I lost the count of the days I was without you,
Was more then some sad months of loneliness,
Not even my heart standed so long,
And now I try to find the road that I find right to follow
Don't be afraid, I will never leave you alone.

Because you're the girl that I have always loved,
I never realized how much you liked me,
And now that I see that it might end,
And go away slip away through my fingers,
I'm afraid to lose you.

Because I don't want to suffer and cry,
It's a feeling that I never expected to experience,
A lost kiss that I was never able to find,
I wish I had that special heart,
To make it better for you.

But this is the only I have,
And the only that I can give to you,
Where it is gone what we felt like when we started,
And crazy love we promised to each other,
The naughty smile, the flame of our hearts.

Your eyes I dont want to cry the blue from the ocean,
Because I dont wanna die from the sadness and loneliness,
One more chance to keep this magic,
And not to let it go away,
If we had some bad days.

Don´t let them drown you down
Because it´s hard to save you
If I was a magician I would do a love spell
To you fall in love again with me
And feel it one more time in your heart.

Sometimes life its unfair
But give me one last chance to start.
Start from the beggining
Because I don´t wanna end now by losing you
And the day it´s still a small child.

Seven months of my life.
Ours to share the moments we are dreaming
And the other moments we smile to each other
Kissing each others lips
Because I know this is too far away to end right here.

There is still hope in the next door you open
I don´t wanna wake up
Because it´s better to be fallen in love while I feel this dream
I still see your eyes crying
My cute girl clean those tears
I don´t wanna see you sad but instead your smile.

Because your smile means all for me
Who said this will end?
I didnt heard those words so well
Repeat again so I can be sure that I understand what you said
Because I may not be able survive to hear them again.

Why I dont care?
Why I dont care?
Because your my girlfriend
My twin soul
My best friend.

Even in hell.
I don´t find no one better then you
To be with because your my companion my best friend
If there was a enciclopedia to tell how much I care
Then it would be needed millions of them.

If the world ask me how much I care?
For my girlfriend, then I would say shes all I ever cared
Did you ever opened the pages of this book
Don´t judge it for the outside
Go further inside.

Because it may take years to get it all in your memory
But of those years I can wait for the moment you find sure
You find sure to be mine and the love that might die
I don´t care if takes a life, or if takes just some days
If I can simply be all those with my loved girl.

I´m the most happy man, if I can be with my love once again in my life
Im no superman, neither a mind reader
But who said I can´t know what you want
To be simply kissed or even getting a simple hug
Or even pass some time together before the time may end tomorrow.

Where no one can read our dreams.
But all I want to know is further inside
Where I have put the keys
Too open that door, that someone opened some years ago
I just see the holes in that shinny door.

I might believe in forever love
But I can try to heal the wounds in your heart
But who doesnt like to feel what I feel
Because if you werent mine
I would have been trying to be yours long ago.

Because I don´t find no one better then you
Your the one I most love
Sometimes I keep thinking
Whos my girlfriend?
I say shes called my love.

But whats her name?
Whats her name?
And I will yell her name
The one I keep in mind
And show to her all my love.

My sweet Verónica!
Who said I dont care?
I got what it needs to be your man
Lets start this all from the beggining
The day is near to end.

But it just won´t end in last hours that I´m alive
In this place inside your heart
Who said no man will fall in love?
Thats just a lie many have said!
But there is a thing that I remind.

It´s almost impossible to live without a love once in life
And I ask if it the correct to go further inside
The day is ending and there is a shinny sky
That a few can admire
But I prefer to spend them in this restless night.

With the one I love the most
Because your very special to my heart.
And I give you some questions that for sure you will like
What do you feel the most for this guy?
What can I give to your heart?
Because sometimes we are so far away from each other.

I rather prefer being with you, then asking what I need to be the one
My heart can´t lie, because I´ve lost myself
Myself inside your eyes
The pain got more intense then before
Because the new day is near to come!

My heart is being broken bit by bit
I don´t even care what comes next
Because I might be already dead
And how can I see trought your dreams?
I don´t even know if this is worth to keep trying.

I´ve almost lost my faith
And if there was a way to spread what I feel
What I feel for my love, my heart will give all it haves for you
I may be a man but I´m not yet dead
Because I still have your breath too keep me alive
Because in this day I remain here tonight.
Last edited by DirtyKiller on November 1st, 2008, 6:51 pm, edited 11 times in total.
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Ozzapoo
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Re: What you guys think of this music/poem I made? =D

Post by Ozzapoo »

Just a tip, but you should separate poems into stanzas so that it's not just a giant block of text >_<
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Bartimaeus
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Re: What you guys think of this music/poem I made? =D

Post by Bartimaeus »

Holy moly...
Ozzapoo wrote:Just a tip, but you should separate poems into stanzas so that it's not just a giant block of text >_<
QFT. My eyes hurt from just looking at it, :P
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risker
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Re: What you guys think of this music/poem I made? =D

Post by risker »

Yea.. do what i do with mine..
You've read mine

Usually try keeping it 1-4 lines then space it
Makes it much more friendly on the eyes and gives you a easier way to write the poem its self.
( Helps you rhym etc.. )

EDIT: I'll actually read it if you do that :]
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DirtyKiller
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Location: Portugal

Re: What you guys think of this music/poem I made? =D

Post by DirtyKiller »

Lol ok I´ll come here and maybe in 30 minutes ill change it to give a better view of it! =/
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Re: What you guys think of this music/poem I made?=D The Upgrade

Post by Bartimaeus »

Tried editing all of it; to fix the grammar errors, but it's too long, :P

Anyways, a lot of stanzas don't flow at all, and if you tried saying them aloud, I think it would be awkward and clunky.

However, you did pretty good on a some, so I guess you're progressing, :P
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DirtyKiller
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Re: What you guys think of this music/poem I made?=D The Upgrade

Post by DirtyKiller »

Bartimaeus wrote:Tried editing all of it; to fix the grammar errors, but it's too long, :P

Anyways, a lot of stanzas don't flow at all, and if you tried saying them aloud, I think it would be awkward and clunky.

However, you did pretty good on a some, so I guess you're progressing, :P
Hmm ok but yeah I got to take in count I have to remember this music/poem because im gonna sing this to my gf while dancing I know for plenty of you seems gay but well It´s a way to be close to her, if you know what I mean.
As to reduce the size I dunno but someone can give me a bit help on that, but take in count that I will have to delete and change some words in this and stuff so any opinions would be great.
Ps: What means awkward and clunky? Oo
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Re: What you guys think of this music/poem I made?=D The Upgrade

Post by Bartimaeus »

I don't know about you, but if that was going to be me, I think I would be a little freaked out, :P
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DirtyKiller
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Re: What you guys think of this music/poem I made?=D The Upgrade

Post by DirtyKiller »

Lol be freaked out on what singing and dancing to my gf just because shes 11? O_o >.> looooooooool
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Re: Do you guys like this music/poem I made? The Second Upgrade!

Post by DirtyKiller »

Bump! xD
Give your opinion guys I really need it I want this to be perfect.
But please dont think its gay because if you guys were on my situation I dont you would think of being gay because not kissing your gf for around for 4months isnt so nice! T_T All I have is Msn to talk to her X.x
The smaller version but may need to be smaller! Lol
Spoiler:
I will never let you alone
I wanna learn
Don´t make me suffer
I wish to know whats the best way to love you
I don´t wanna be sad always thinking on these questions.

But try to understand from all the times we were together
I never let you aside
But why now?
Why now, that I´ts getting hard for me
And I love you so much inside here.

I may be hurt, but I keep trying harder
Please hear my heart beat and the scar carved deep within
Because he may not be able to take enough time to heal again
I never wanted to hear what you wanted to say
Tell it to me again to understand.

Maybe I can be someone hard to be with
But I´ll never let you aside
Even if you don´t understand
I´ll try to teach it to you in other words
Even if that means a whole life.

I lost the count of the days I was without you
Was more then some months of sadness and loneliness
Not even my heart stand so long
And now I try to find the road that I find correct to follow
Don´t be afraid I will never let you alone.

I dont wanna suffer and cry neither I wanna you
Its a feeling that I never expected to get
A lost kiss that I wasnt able to find
I wish I had a special heart
To make it better for you.

But this one its the only one I got
And the only that I can give to you
Where it is gone what we feel when we started
And crazy love we promissed to each other
A smile that you have that can bright my day.

Don´t let the bad days drown you down
Because it´s hard to save you if I´ll be sad too for seing you like that
If I was a magician I would do a love spell
To you fall in love again with me
And feel it one more time in your heart.

Sometimes life its unfair
But give me one last chance to start.
Start this all from the beggining
Because I don´t wanna end now by losing you
And the day it´s still a small child.

There is still hope in the next door you open, I don´t wanna lose my love
I don´t wanna wake up, because seven months aren´t yet enough
Because it´s better to be fallen in love while I keep you inside my heart
I still see your eyes crying
Clean those tears, I don´t wanna see your sadness but instead your smile.

Because your smile means all for me
Who said this will end?
I didnt heard those words so well
Repeat again so I can be sure that I understand what have you said
Because I may not be able survive to hear them again.

Why I care that this might end?
But sometimes I ask why don´t care?
Because your my girlfriend, I will never give up
Your my twin soul, my best friend
If I gave up what would matter me for too be the best for my girl?

If there was a enciclopedia to tell how much I care
Then it would be needed millions of them.
If the world ask me how much I care?
For my girlfriend, then I would say shes all I ever cared

Did you ever opened the pages of this book I gave to you
Don´t judge it for the outside, go further inside
I´m the most happy guy all the time If I can be with the one I dream.
I can´t know what you want, but that doesnt stops me from guessing
I may even think you want to be kissed or even to be with me
Even before the time may end and then nothing more too be here.

I want a place for me and you were no one can read our dreams.
But all I want to know is further inside
I think I´ve lost the keys, but my heart It´s the strongest key ever made
I´m gonna be able to open those doors that keep my heart beating
Because I´m not yet going to give up.

I might believe in forever love
But I can try to heal the wounds in your heart
But who doesnt like to feel what I feel
Because if you werent mine
I would have been trying to be yours long ago.

Because I don´t find no one better then you
Your the one I most love
Sometimes I keep thinking
Is she the one
And do I keep her name in my mind

If no, how can I always remember you here
My sweet Verónica!
Who said I dont care?
I got what it needs to be yours
Because I´m not stepping back.

Who said no man will fall in love?
Thats just a lie many have said!
But there is a thing that I remind
It´s almost impossible to live without a love once in life
And I ask if it the correct is to go further inside

But I prefer to spend the last hours in this restless night
With the one I love the most
Because your very special to my heart
Because sometimes we are so far away from each other
And I do this for be more times together with my love.

I rather prefer being with you, then asking what I need to be the one
My heart can´t lie, because I´ve lost myself
Myself inside your eyes
I don´t even care what comes next
Because I might be already dead
And how can I see trought your dreams?

I still got my faith and your love
And if there was a way to spread what I feel
I would have millions of words to spread all around
I will try to be here this last hours
Because in this day I remain here tonight.
Things can be lost aren´t lost at all.
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