Oxymorons [joke]

[Vegas]

1. Is it good if a vacuum really sucks?

2. Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?

3. If a word is misspelled in the dictionary, how would we ever know?

4. If Webster wrote the first dictionary, where did he find the words?

5. Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?

7. Why does "fat chance" and "slim chance" mean the same thing?

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game"

when we are already there?

10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?

11. Why is it called "after dark" when it really is "after light"?

12.. Doesn't "expecting the unexpected" make the unexpected expected?

13.. Why are a "wise man" and a "wise guy" opposites?

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?

17.. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?

21.. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control

when you know the batteries are dead?

22. Why do we put suits in garment bags and garments in a suitcase?

23. How come abbreviated is such a long word?

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?

25.. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?

27.Christmas - What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

28. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway ?

[Small Sized Duck]

Spoiler:

This made me sad. :[

None of them are really true.

6. Why does "slow down" and "slow up" mean the same thing?
I've never heard anyone say this!

8. Why do "tug" boats push their barges?
Because, originally, they towed other ships! AND STILL DO!

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game"
when we are already there?
Because, not everyone is there yet!

10. Why are they called " stands" when they are made for sitting?
Stands were made for standing!

14. Why do "overlook" and "oversee" mean opposite things?
See = watch, watch over!

15. Why is "phonics" not spelled the way it sounds?
To emphasize a point.

16. If work is so terrific, why do they have to pay you to do it?
Now, whoever said this?

17.. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
We're all actors in the world.

18. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular?
don't have sex, make love.

19. If you are cross-eyed and have dyslexia, can you read all right?
Being cross eyed doesn't effect how you process words!

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Two holes.

21.. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control
when you know the batteries are dead?
No.

24. Why do we wash bath towels? Aren't we clean when we use them?
Then they get dirty due to bacteria!

25.. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
It reacts with open air!

26. Why do they call it a TV set when you only have one?
Set refers to all the utilities!

[Madara]

some of those r freakin me out

[Bartimaeus]

Small Sized Duck has a point for some of them - but they mostly work, and are oxymorons. Humans,

[UndeadxAssassin]

9. Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game"
when we are already there?
Because, not everyone is there yet!
But it says take ME out...

17.. If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting?
We're all actors in the world.
I want my money back, then. These people fail!

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Two holes.
In all technicality...bras have two holes for the arms. If you connect the back, it's three holes >>. Not to mention two cups o.o.

21.. Why do you press harder on the buttons of a remote control
when you know the batteries are dead?
No.
Some people do >>

[Frag_Masta]

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Two holes.
In all technicality...bras have two holes for the arms. If you connect the back, it's three holes >>. Not to mention two cups o.o.

I Thought he was talking about the panties not the bra when he said 2 holes.

[UndeadxAssassin]

20. Why is bra singular and panties plural?
Two holes.
In all technicality...bras have two holes for the arms. If you connect the back, it's three holes >>. Not to mention two cups o.o.

I Thought he was talking about the panties not the bra when he said 2 holes.

He was. I was pointing out that a bra has more than two and therefore his argument doesn't really work.