You guys like this music/poem I made?The Seventh Upgrade! =)

[Bartimaeus]

Friends are good to have, mate. It's just that, it shouldn't be taken this seriously. Experience, however, with your opposite gender is actually good to have for future relationships, so I guess it's not a complete waste,

[DirtyKiller]

Thanks for trying to help me cheer a bit up. =/
But really its hard for me but I really like her.
The most I hate: hearing stupid and nonsensed comments from others in school and the older one I was...... -.-

[DirtyKiller]

Ok heres the last and fourth upgrade.
It has less stanzas so you better read it this time because this time It´s worth to read it!
Of course opinion from Bartimaeus and all the rest lol!
Post grammar errors, lexical,etc so I can fix lol.
Thx for the great help. XD
Edit: I better see less Dont choose gay or your noob!

Spoiler:

I wanna learn, from all the things I´ve done
Don´t make me suffer harder, I´ve got another side on me
I wish to know whats the best way to love you
I don´t wanna be sad always thinking on these questions, that appear in my mind.

But try to understand from all the times we were together
I never let you aside
But why now?
Why now, that I´ts getting hard for me
And I love you so much inside my heart.

I may be hurt, but I keep trying harder
Please hear my heart beat and the scar carved deep within
Because he may not be able to take enough time to heal again
I never wanted to hear what you wanted to say
Tell it to me again so I can understand.

Maybe I can be someone hard to be with
But I never let you aside
I feel a strong chemistry for you in my heart
And all this time I was looking for a true love.

I lost the count of the months I was without you
Crying is no good, I got to wait for the right time
If I´ve cried don´t let it make you fall around
Because I´ve got everything I always wanted.

Because If I believe in my dreams, they can come true
If I keep loving you here and now
Because your the one that I got to knew
If your my love, I´m your man.

We promissed something to each other
Your the key that is semi broken
The missing link to accomplish me
Your my inner strenght, your all I believe

Your smile means all for me
Because I´ve searched the world and just founded one person like you
It´s so good when true love can come true
If seven months aren´t yet enough, then I hope you like all we can be alive.

If you don´t wanna lose my love, I´m so tired of these small lies
If your crying, then something isn´t working well on our love
You may need some time, to clean up your mind
I rather prefer prefer you ok, then confused all the time.

Some people said this between us would end
But see we are still here, people are jealous, they can´t accept that we can be sometime together
Together isn´t yet enough, I know I´m ambicious but I know what is feeling true love
Because your my girl, your the one.

All the words that I find to express my love cant seem to be enough
From all this time I still miss the words to speak with my love
Because all the words in the world aren´t enough to express what I feel for my girl
Have you ever tried to be on my side I don´t think It´s that easy to be alive.

I will always understand your heart
Because your a part of my life, you make my heart beat
Then when I can be with you it will beat harder then ever before
We are somehow connected to this world, no need too end things here.

I pray God for all the time that I can be with my love
And I know It´s pretty if we can share our feelings
Because if I wasn´t yours, I would beem trying to be yours for the rest of my life
If you know the meaning of love then you know I won´t give up until my dreams can become yours

From all the things I´ve wanted
I always wanted to be at your side
Because my sweet Verónica have you wondered
Wondered I haven´t yet gave up, because I´ve founded my true love.

Good things cannot die, because people will always give me the strenght
Strenght too keep my heart alive, if I´m with my girl who cares whats around
Because your everything I´ve always wanted here and now
Viewing your picture for me isn´t the same to be with the real one.

I know from the beggining what you waited for
Because the strenght of the dreams are on how strong you believe
From all the words you wanted me to say
I Love You is what you have been waiting for my heart yell at you.

[Bartimaeus]

Firstly, instead of using the console button, (`), use an apostrophe, (').

Secondly, use want to, instead of wanna.

Thirdly, rhyming helps with making this flow better, so try that.

Overall, it's a lot better than it started out,

[Ozzapoo]

Thirdly, rhyming helps with making this flow better, so try that.

Lots of good poems don't rhyme. Plus, they don't need to

[Bartimaeus]

I didn't say they did, silly,

I just said that it generally helps to make it flow better. If you're a skilled enough poet, you actually don't need to rhyme, as you'll find words that just flow together naturally. It's good for someone who's beginning, as you don't really need to be all that skilled. (It also helps when you're trying to remember it, as things will sound more similar, and therefore, easier to remember)

[DirtyKiller]

Ok guys I´ll try to post later a better one but I think this time its really nice so at least make it like 1 or 2stanzas smaller and clean the errors.

[risker]

Okay, why exactly are you writing poems for an eleven year old? Girlfriend/Boyfriend relationships at that age, (or in middle school/high school, as well), shouldn't be taken as seriously as you are taking it. It'll probably be over in a few months. Seems like a waste of time, to me. Anyways, it's shorter, but I still couldn't ever remember half of it.

Bart you know your being really.. stereotyped
Not all relationships go bust in highschool and shit

I'll admit she is 11.. but hey..
BTW bart it doesn't matter about anything .. when your "in love" your in love. So to him she could be 11 or 38, He wouldn't care.

I know about.. 6 people that are married to there highschool sweetheart after many years.
Just because you've never had someone show alot of love and stayed by your side doesn't mean you should try and put
down someone thats "in love"


Ontopic...

The poem is getting much better from the last time i read the first of 5lines

Lol bart.. Why are you just in my firing line of this post?

I just said that it generally helps to make it flow better. If you're a skilled enough poet, you actually don't need to rhyme, as you'll find words that just flow together naturally. It's good for someone who's beginning, as you don't really need to be all that skilled. (It also helps when you're trying to remember it, as things will sound more similar, and therefore, easier to remember)

Not neccesarly true ..
Most first time poets find rhyming the most frustrating thing about poems.

Anywho i'm gonna shut up before i make mr bart to cranky
( I DO STILLL LOVEEE YOUUUU BART not really )

[DirtyKiller]

Ok im starting working currently on the fifth upgrade so I´ll post stanzas not all because still working with them. Im trying to the phrases rhyme kinda of it. xD
Hope you like when its finished!
Edit: Done it has one less stanza so more easy to remember it all!
It rhymes alot now in my thinking so post your opinions like you do.
About the apostrophe Bartimaeus I don´t my keyboard as them, and I dont know where you want me to put them if you could be gentle enough could you do that small thing for me sorry the huge trouble.... =s

Spoiler:

I wanna learn, from all the things I´ve done
Don´t make me suffer harder, I´ve got to show you another side
I wish to know whats the best way to love you
I want to stop thinking on these questions, that put me so sad

But try to understand from all the times we were together
I never let you aside
But why now?
Why now, that I´m suffering even more then before
And my heart as yet so much to give to my love

I may be hurt, but I keep trying because if I got a dream It can come true with my faith
Please hear my heart beat and the scar carved deep within
Because I don´t think my heart will beat one more time too hear your voice again
I never wanted to hear what you wanted to say
Tell it to me again so I can remember it once again in my mind.

Maybe It´s hard for both of us, but what I feel is more then a dream
But I never let you aside, but in my heart I feel something for you
I feel a strong chemistry for you in my heart
And all this time I was looking for my true love

I lost the count of the months I was without my girl
Crying is no good, I got to wait for the right time
If I´ve cried don´t let it make you more sad inside
Because I´ve got everything I´ve always wanted.

Because If I believe in my dreams, they can come true
If I keep loving you here and now
Because your the one that I got to knew
If your my love, then your the one for my heart.

We promissed something too our hearts
Your the key that is semi broken
The missing link to accomplish me
Your my inner strenght, your all I believe

Your smile means all for me
Because I´ve searched the world and just founded one person like you
It´s so good when love can come true
If seven months aren´t yet enough, then I hope you like all we can be in this world.

If you don´t wanna lose my love, then stop saying these small lies
If your crying, then something isn´t working well with us
You may need some time, to clean up your mind
I rather prefer prefer you ok, then confused all the time.

Some people said this love between us would end within some time
But how you see we are still here, people can´t accept that we strongly love each other
I may start to think they haven´t felt true love
Because your my girl, your the one.

All the words that I find to express my love cant seem to be enough
From all this time I still miss the words to speak too the girl I love
Because all the words in the world aren´t enough to express what I feel for my girl
If you were in the same situation would you feel the same that I feel in my heart.

I have always understand you my little one
Because your a part of my life, you make my heart beat so strongly inside
If I can be with you it will beat harder by the time
We are somehow connected to this world, we both will always believe it.

I pray God for all the time that I can be with my biggest love
And I know It´s amazing too show my love too the first girl I knew
Because if I wasn´t yours, I would been trying to be yours for the rest of my life
If you know the meaning of love then you know I won´t give up until my dreams can become yours.

From all the things I´ve wanted
I always wanted to be at your side
Because my sweet Verónica have you wondered
Wondered I haven´t yet gave up, because I´ve founded my true love.

For the girl that I love so much, not even some clouds can brake my heart
Good things can only happen once in life, too become true they take some time
If you believe in me, then why making some small lies
They won´t stop me from being with my true love, the best that happened for me.

(edit) Where is Bartimaeus when we need him?! xD

[Bartimaeus]

Bart you know your being really.. stereotyped
Not all relationships go bust in highschool and shit

I'll admit she is 11.. but hey..
BTW bart it doesn't matter about anything .. when your "in love" your in love. So to him she could be 11 or 38, He wouldn't care.

I know about.. 6 people that are married to there highschool sweetheart after many years.
Just because you've never had someone show alot of love and stayed by your side doesn't mean you should try and put
down someone thats "in love"


Ontopic...

The poem is getting much better from the last time i read the first of 5lines

Lol bart.. Why are you just in my firing line of this post?

I just said that it generally helps to make it flow better. If you're a skilled enough poet, you actually don't need to rhyme, as you'll find words that just flow together naturally. It's good for someone who's beginning, as you don't really need to be all that skilled. (It also helps when you're trying to remember it, as things will sound more similar, and therefore, easier to remember)

Not neccesarly true ..
Most first time poets find rhyming the most frustrating thing about poems.

Anywho i'm gonna shut up before i make mr bart to cranky
( I DO STILLL LOVEEE YOUUUU BART not really )

1. Ah, you are correct, but, stereotypically, they do.

2. Age, normally, doesn't matter. However, since it'll be a long, long, looonngggg time before anything actually happens between them, the relationship will more than likely break inbetween that time.

3. Oh yes, rhyming can be very difficult, especially if you pick complex words, however, that is why it is usually useful to stay simple, mostly like what DirtyKiller has done, (maybe a few harder words here and there). I said it was useful for beginner poets, which it is; it makes it easier to remember, and more smooth. You can't disagree on those two points,

Unless you're doing the same rhyming words over and over...it'll be like a tongue-twister,

(edit) Apostrophe is the right of ; or :, but the left of enter, and below [ or { and ] or } for my keyboard. Keep pressing buttons in that general area until you hit it,

(edit again) Lot better than it was before, I'll tell you that,

(edit again, again) Some words are repeted waiii too many times. Try and find a subsitute for some of the words that you're always saying.