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I flick a match (I'm very good at doing that!) into the steaming pile on the hill. While both of you are now looking like my avatar, I do the Herculean feat of diverting a river, washing the whole thing and your remains away. My hill.

I shove you off the leftovers of once was shit and say "My Hill"

I pour my PAINFULLY hot I can't believe I just tried to drink that what was I thinking okay the pain is receding somewhat self narration fading... *ahem* I pour this hot apple cider all over you. When you run away, writhing in agony, I claim the (clean, because of the river...) hill.
My hill.

Due to your multiple deaths in your previous claims for this hill, your body falls apart. I jump down from the clouds with a grandiose entrance and proclaim. My hill.

I reveal the fact that those clouds you were hiding in were mercury gas! Haha!
My hill!

Bit you land on Che Gueverra's Grand-Mother causing you to explode into small bis of Zucchini from the Antarctica then I claim "My Hill"

Matchai's Pokemon in his signature delevels to 1 and he howls in depression. I whisper to him, 'Just die.', and he commits suicide. My hill.

I bring you to a bar, and slip quite a bit of invalid in your drink. While you're... distracted, I slip away.
My hill.

I come back with a colossal condom and net you in it, kicking you down the hill. My hill.

I cut my way out with a knife, then throw acid bombs at you.
My hill.