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PostPosted: February 10th, 2011, 12:57 am 
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It was a sound I awoken from. I got up from my bed and turned on the light. to my surprise my girlfriend was still out for work. I checked the clock and it said: 11:00 PM. “Shit” I said and looked outside. I gulped… outside was the city a city and it was terrible! like looking at a Town that got wrecked by tornados and zombies. I whipped out a pistol and I went searching for my girl. It was not long before I got to my car and drove off with my awesome red charger. I looked and looked and ran over a couple of zombies but I could not find her anywhere. I went to her job and shot a zombie in the brains. I looked in her office and there she was standing there with a bite mark on her arm. A zombie popped out and onto my back and I jumped back smashing him into the ground. I quickly got up and blew his brains out with my pistol. She hugged me and then we drove off. “It’s not safe here” I said looking at my girl’s face. She kept looking at her bite and I finally decided that I should go to the hospital to bandage it up and give her medicine. We drove until we had no gas left in our car and I charged the hospital door. Inside was 5-10 zombies staring at me with flesh between their teeth. Blood dripped as they charged!!! I shot the heads easily but more kept coming. 20 – 30 zombies now and my girl and I ran into the elevator. I pressed the button 20 times before it went up onto the third floor. I got some medicine after punching a zombie in the face until he gave up as in DIED.



Chapter 2: New Friends.

I cured my girl for now. But now i need to travel.. far far away from this hell hole! I got into my car with my girl and then i saw what was in front of us… an SUV. I just remembered that this was out of gas. I took the SUV and drove off with my girl on the back seat. We filled it up a couple of times and killed a bunch of fat and slow zombies. But everything has to end eventually. Just like our gas…. So we hopped of and I found a bow and a set of arrows lying there to be taken. My girl took it and she put the quiver on and we went to get some gas from the gas station. I was about to shoot a zombie when my girl shot the vile creature in the face. I praised her in that shot because I was almost out of ammo. I was surprised to see a survivor setting up her car. She said “hey” and I asked her what her name was. She said it was Ashley and I said that I’m James. She looked at my girlfriend and the look she gave look like hatred.. jealousy almost. We got in the back of her pickup truck and drove off to another better place. It was comfy lying down in the back with an SUV and my girlfriend. We talked for hours until Ashley broke the conversation and said: “you better look at this!” So we got up and stared in amazement what we were looking at. It was a Pawn shop but no ordinary one. It sold guns and such so we went in feeling excited to get a better and not crap ass pistol. I took a shotgun, a desert eagle, and a Katana because it fits my personality: Fierce, sharp, and quick.



Chapter 3: The great loss.

It was now morning as we drove for 6 hours away from New York. My girlfriend was getting ready to blow off some zombies heads with her new rifle. It took us only 10 minutes to get into action and fight. there was 40 zombies and we had the guns readied to their heads from 10 feet away. I took the first move by throwing my katana into 2 zombies. Ashley 4 zombies in the heads with her 45 cal. sniper. My girlfriend starting off bad but then she started aiming right and blew off like 20 zombies’ heads before reloading. We took out the rest of the zombies and I finished the last one off by stabbing it in the stomach and slicing upwards into his brain. Ashley was mad at my girl by now… for some odd reason she wouldn't stop bugging her about me and other topics. Then that is when it hit me… she liked me and hated my girl. Ashley then took out a pistol and before I hit it out of her hand it shot…….. My girlfriend fell down with a bullet hole in her chest. I knocked out Ashley by punching her in the face and quickly ran over to see ,my girl. By the time a got there which took only 5 seconds she was almost dead. Her last words were… “kill her”. I got up with misty eyes and the katana in my hand I looked at Ashley and.. I couldn't. So I left her in the open for zombies to take (hey that's not murder!) and took the SUV with me.



Chapter 4: Chuck and Amber.

I reached New York and I drove through many zombies. One fat zombie tried climbing on the back but I quickly used the break and he disappeared under the SUV. I had another idea.. a bloody one, my idea was to tape on my katana to the front and also put my shotgun on the side with a thread so i can pull on it and easily shoot and reload. I drove for a bit until a hit a zombie and my brights shined on 2 figures.. one on a smashed car and one beside it. I got off and said “Hi” They said their names and I couldn’t help but say “Wow Amber your a cute thing” and I met Chuck’s eyes.. “Be careful.. she’s mine” He said into my ear. Then I walked into a store and picked out a helmet. when I got outside Amber and Chuck were gone and at least they didn’t Steal my SUV.



Chapter 5: The Masked Zombie Killer.

When i put on my helmet it had a mask on it and I was ready to kick some zombies’ asses. So when my mask was on it looked like a dark scary mask.. Red streaks on it and holes to breathe out of. I sliced and diced up zombies with my katana on the SUV. With misty eyes I thought of Ashley and my girl. She was killed probably.. eaten by zombies! Then I saw a horde of zombies.. and I mean a huge ass horde of zombies.. like 250 – 500 zombies. It was a courtesy move but I thought who cares. I went on third gear and charged at the horde of zombies!!!! I slammed into 50 of them before.. RUNNING OUT OF GAS!!! I started sobbing now because all I could think about was my loss. Then it happened… A bright flash of lights and the zombies started looking where it was coming from. I’ll I heard before I passed out was machine guns shooting like “RAT AT TAT TAT”. When I woke up I was in a bed at the back of a limo. I was bleeding but i wasn’t bitten just scratched from the zombies and crash.



Chapter 6: Dexter and Max.

When I finally woke up again I now saw 2 people in the front. They told me I am safe and that their names were Dexter and Max. Dexter was a tall man with glasses that covered his blue eyes. Max was a average size and brown eyes. I shoke their hands through the window. They told me that zombies aren’t all bad.. what they meant is that you can tame them (with medicine). I was shocked hearing that news but I was happy that we could have more defense. So we got where they wanted to go, A tall mansion in the center of a huge 10 acre field. They had an amazing garden with plants I have never saw before (besides the roses and vegetable plants). Inside the mansion was even better. It was a red carpet double stairway in the front when you go in and awesome statues, decorations, etc. They gave me a “guest room” which was the size of my house (which is pretty big) and it had an Xbox 360, ps3, 2 computers and a bunch of furniture.



Chapter 7: Paradise.

It was finally paradise except that I was grieving over my girlfriend… but I went online looked at the news with my 52 – 73 inch TV. I actually smiled for once in this outbreak. I slept like a baby (easily it means…). When I woke up I put on some music and then went on Facebook. When I went on some of my friends were online that spammed me saying “OMG YOUR ALIVE” I felt revived and relieved that my friends were alive. I set up a defense for tonight because a lot of shit is about to happen.. well that's what the news reporter said anyway. I'm surprised that the news is still on because blood drinking flesh eating zombies are out there.. Waiting. A figure starting running towards the mansion followed by 50 other figures. The front person was a survivor and i began shooting behind her. I managed to kill 20 or so zombies and the other ran even faster to the girl. I reloaded and killed the rest of the zombies. The survivor came up to me and hugged me, Which made me blush for some reason. I took her up and she went inside the mansion greeted by Max and Dexter. I looked outside staying on guard and smiling thinking about the girl.



Chapter 8: Sabrina

I was still outside but it was day and I was sweating a bit. Max came out with a table and Dexter came out with lemonade for all of us. The girl told us her name was Sabrina. She was about my age with long blonde hair that curled at the end. She was smiling and I couldn’t help but smile as well. I got up after the lemonade and then went to eat a carrot at the garden. I got a few and washed them off and eat one. I didn’t feel hungry anymore because I was pretty full before I got here. I talked to Sabrina and she said she worked with her dad at a business I don’t know what it was because that is all she told me for now.



Chapter 9: Into The Gloom.

We decided that 2 of us should go into part of the main infection areas and find survivors, more food, guns, and mostly to kill all those dreadful zombies. I went of course because I can’t miss an event this big. Sabrina also wanted to go because she has a minigun (A BIG ASS turret-like portable machine gun). She hook it up to my SUV and also added a bigger back seat so she could move around and reload her Minigun. We were ready and I drove off with her excited and feeling pretty awesome. We arrived at a little town and starting shooting zombies’ heads off really epically! She reloaded after a bunch of rounds and i starting running over zombies and sticking them to my katana. I put it on full speed and drove into 5 zombies then 20 and she reloaded it. I backed off the zombies and Sabrina kept shooting them. Bullets sprayed everywhere and hit 50 - 100 zombies. It was a sight to see because it was very gory and like red mist. She has to reload again but we were already done. The zombies lay on the cold cement hundreds of them. After we finished we drove off into the gloomy night.



Chapter 10: The End.. Is Near.

We drove to a gas station I stabbed a zombie and filled up my SUV (V2). The blood (actual zombie blood) was sprayed all over the front and a little bit of the back. I got in and got ready to enter the main city. We drove far into the city until a horde of zombies like the one I faced before, charged at our SUV and Sabrina began firing her minigun. All the bullets came out and then her gun overheated for the first time. I started firing the zombies who were medium range with my shotgun and stabbing the zombies who were close ranged to me with my katana. It was a bloody battle and sometimes the zombies scratched me in the arm or hands but I didn’t care anymore. I remembered how on the news that it all started off in an airport and spread, spread, spread. Leading into everywhere besides Dexter’s and Max’s Mansion. We picked up a survivor running from a zombie who was very fat. He sat in the new seat that Sabrina made in case we found someone. He said his name was Josh and he was very thankful that we saved him. He had rust colored hair and green eyes, also judging from his face I could tell he was an adult (not a young one, maybe like 36). He said: “My wife died and I am very sad from that loss.. I thought I would die out here but you guys saved me.” His voice quivered and he starting sobbing. Sabrina patted him on the back and told him we would be in a safe house in no time. He managed a weak smile and we drove off into more of the zombies. Then a giant zombie limbed out of a building with a hole in it and stared at us, With blood-shot eyes. I chill went up my spine and Sabrina starting firing her minigun. The bullets went through him squirting blood out but it was not enough. We shot the last bullets out into him but the giant zombie didn’t seem to care. He may of grimaced once when we stabbed him… And that gave me an idea! I said to them: “I will have to fight him with my sword….. If I don’t make it, go on without me.” Sabrina had tears in her eyes and she kissed me and wished me luck. I got ready as he stared me down. I charged and stabbed him in the leg. I retracted the blade form out of his skin and rolled away from his fist. He chased after me and then threw a car at me. It just missed me but that didn’t make me happier because he was still chasing me. I quickly turned around sliding under his legs and slicing him in the foot. I again stabbed him but this time it was in the back. He was almost dead.. dying and before he fell down dead, he punched me. I got 5ft of air and smashed into a car. My vision went blurry and I Think I’m Dying.

Chapter 11: Is this A Happy ending?

Sabrina bared the news with Dexter and Max saying James was dead. Dexter starting crying so did Max. Josh said “He may be alive?” But Sabrina disagreed. For it was impossible for someone to survive that blow to the chest and that land. It was a shocking twist that James died and now Sabrina wouldn’t stop crying. Josh even got misty eyes after hearing the bad news. They ate a meal of turkey, stuffing, gravy, corn, and potatoes. They said a prayer before eating Sabrina started it saying: “May god bless they food and may James rest in peace.” Everyone at the table was sad and didn’t eat or talk until 5 minutes later. They killed a few more zombies and went to bed. Sabrina couldn’t sleep and all she did was sit on her bed staring out the window. She saw 2 figures walking slowly up the hill. They were probably zombies so she took her rifle. She went outside and shot one. It hit the leg and She screamed out: “NO I’M A SURVIVOR DON’T SHOOT!” Sabrina said holy shit and ran to the 2 figures. The first one she met was a girl by the name of Ashley. She said that she got shot by a maniac who was jealous over her boyfriend and that she needed medical attention. She walked over to the mansion and into it. The other figure was now crawling holding it’s chest. And Sabrina ran over to it. It was James (Me) And I was grimacing in pain. Sabrina made me put her arm around her shoulder and walked me into the mansion. As soon as I walked into the mansion I ran to my girlfriend and that pretty much was it. We woke up next morning feeling better then ever. I slept next to my girlfriend and she smiled. I kissed her and went up for breakfast. We ate cereal and peanut and butter sandwiches.



THE END: Written by: James I. (burningfox6)

INSPIRED BY: (Sharkman346)


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PostPosted: February 10th, 2011, 2:32 am 
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Joined: February 3rd, 2009, 11:28 pm
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Ok..
Here's some coments then.
1) There's hardly any introduction. You don't know any of the characters very much. It just starts and there's the zombie invasion. Therefore most readers won't really care when the characters die so quickly as they do in this story.
2) Chapter 3 doesn't really make sense. She just randomly kills his girlfriend?
3) Who are the other characters anyways? People he just runs in to? People he knew before?
4) It gets repetitive after a while. Same general theme through the whole thing. First they kill some zombies. Second they meet someone else.
5) What's with the guns they have? He has a pistol laying around when it starts? How does Sabrina have a minigun :shock:
6) What are the zombies supposed to be like? First it makes it seem like they're the typical zombies (mindless killing brutes) but then there's this.
Spoiler:
We picked up a survivor running from a zombie who was very fat. He sat in the new seat that Sabrina made in case we found someone. He said his name was Josh and he was very thankful that we saved him. He had rust colored hair and green eyes, also judging from his face I could tell he was an adult (not a young one, maybe like 36). He said: “My wife died and I am very sad from that loss.. I thought I would die out here but you guys saved me.”

It doesn't really fit in.
7) The return of his girlfriend at the end doesn't fit in at all. It states earlier he's dead, and she could never have survived bleeding from a gun wound in the middle of a zombie-infested place.
8) Please put line breaks at appropriate places. It makes reading these much easier for me. So instead of
Spoiler:
We drove to a gas station I stabbed a zombie and filled up my SUV (V2). The blood (actual zombie blood) was sprayed all over the front and a little bit of the back. I got in and got ready to enter the main city. We drove far into the city until a horde of zombies like the one I faced before, charged at our SUV and Sabrina began firing her minigun. All the bullets came out and then her gun overheated for the first time. I started firing the zombies who were medium range with my shotgun and stabbing the zombies who were close ranged to me with my katana. It was a bloody battle and sometimes the zombies scratched me in the arm or hands but I didn’t care anymore. I remembered how on the news that it all started off in an airport and spread, spread, spread. Leading into everywhere besides Dexter’s and Max’s Mansion. We picked up a survivor running from a zombie who was very fat. He sat in the new seat that Sabrina made in case we found someone. He said his name was Josh and he was very thankful that we saved him. He had rust colored hair and green eyes, also judging from his face I could tell he was an adult (not a young one, maybe like 36). He said: “My wife died and I am very sad from that loss.. I thought I would die out here but you guys saved me.” His voice quivered and he starting sobbing. Sabrina patted him on the back and told him we would be in a safe house in no time. He managed a weak smile and we drove off into more of the zombies. Then a giant zombie limbed out of a building with a hole in it and stared at us, With blood-shot eyes. I chill went up my spine and Sabrina starting firing her minigun. The bullets went through him squirting blood out but it was not enough. We shot the last bullets out into him but the giant zombie didn’t seem to care. He may of grimaced once when we stabbed him… And that gave me an idea! I said to them: “I will have to fight him with my sword….. If I don’t make it, go on without me.” Sabrina had tears in her eyes and she kissed me and wished me luck. I got ready as he stared me down. I charged and stabbed him in the leg. I retracted the blade form out of his skin and rolled away from his fist. He chased after me and then threw a car at me. It just missed me but that didn’t make me happier because he was still chasing me. I quickly turned around sliding under his legs and slicing him in the foot. I again stabbed him but this time it was in the back. He was almost dead.. dying and before he fell down dead, he punched me. I got 5ft of air and smashed into a car. My vision went blurry and I Think I’m Dying.

I'd format it like this.
Spoiler:
We drove to a gas station I stabbed a zombie and filled up my SUV (V2). The blood (actual zombie blood) was sprayed all over the front and a little bit of the back. I got in and got ready to enter the main city.
We drove far into the city until a horde of zombies like the one I faced before, charged at our SUV and Sabrina began firing her minigun. All the bullets came out and then her gun overheated for the first time. I started firing the zombies who were medium range with my shotgun and stabbing the zombies who were close ranged to me with my katana. It was a bloody battle and sometimes the zombies scratched me in the arm or hands but I didn’t care anymore.
I remembered how on the news that it all started off in an airport and spread, spread, spread. Leading into everywhere besides Dexter’s and Max’s Mansion. We picked up a survivor running from a zombie who was very fat. He sat in the new seat that Sabrina made in case we found someone. He said his name was Josh and he was very thankful that we saved him. He had rust colored hair and green eyes, also judging from his face I could tell he was an adult (not a young one, maybe like 36).
He said: “My wife died and I am very sad from that loss.. I thought I would die out here but you guys saved me.” His voice quivered and he starting sobbing. Sabrina patted him on the back and told him we would be in a safe house in no time. He managed a weak smile and we drove off into more of the zombies. Then a giant zombie limbed out of a building with a hole in it and stared at us, With blood-shot eyes. I chill went up my spine and Sabrina starting firing her minigun. The bullets went through him squirting blood out but it was not enough. We shot the last bullets out into him but the giant zombie didn’t seem to care. He may of grimaced once when we stabbed him… And that gave me an idea!
I said to them: “I will have to fight him with my sword….. If I don’t make it, go on without me.” Sabrina had tears in her eyes and she kissed me and wished me luck. I got ready as he stared me down. I charged and stabbed him in the leg. I retracted the blade form out of his skin and rolled away from his fist. He chased after me and then threw a car at me. It just missed me but that didn’t make me happier because he was still chasing me. I quickly turned around sliding under his legs and slicing him in the foot. I again stabbed him but this time it was in the back. He was almost dead.. dying and before he fell down dead, he punched me. I got 5ft of air and smashed into a car. My vision went blurry and I Think I’m Dying.


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