The river flows eastward

[devoltz]

became a seawchew,wanting to discovew who i was and what made me pwecise. my view of mysewf tuwned into changing. i desiwed a stabwe base to stawt fwom. i commenced to wesist3 stwess to behave in ways that i didn’t wike any gweatew,and i used to be dewighted by who i in weawity become. i got hewe to feew a good deaw extwa suwe that no one can evew take my wegion.
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evewy of us howds a compwetewy unique awea within the intewnationaw. you awe unique,iwwespective of what othews say ow what you may think. so fowget about appwoximatewy being wepwaced. you may’t be.

[Bartimaeus]

this looks a lot funnier now that I deleted the original spam post and made you the OP

[Vegas]

Kripke!!