Alright, so Island Defense is my favorite game EVER on WarCraft. Although recently it SUCKS DICK. I will now go through and explain why no one should ever play Island Defense again until I make it my FUCKING self on StarCraft II.
Alright, reason #1. Fucking noobs:
Noobs suck dick for one reason and one reason only. This reason is: They exist. Noobs are GENERALLY not a problem for me in Island Defense as I am FUCKING epic. I don't know if any of you guys out there play Island Defense, but if you do you will know what I'm talking about. Ever since fucking Pandamine took this shit over Island defense has gone STRAIGHT downhill. NOOBS ARE EVERYWHERE because of his 8 million versions. This brings me to--->
Reason #2. Pandamine:
Pandamine is the #1 cause for Island Defense sucking dick, in my opinion. Yes, the man did bring the map back from its unedited state after a little while, but he is ruining it. Pandamine decides that no update deserves a fucking number. We have been on version 2.8.5(letter) for almost a year now. Just the fact that there are three numbers pisses me off. It should be like this:
Code:
The way versions should be classified.
Rule #1. Only two numbers maximum. (unless you are at version 10+)
Rule #2. Letters are only for super fast edits.
Break off of rule #2. - Super fast edits as in "Oh, I just released version 2.7 yesterday, but there's a huge bug. Let's now have version 2.7B. Not a, B! Use a fucking B!
Rule #3. If the edit takes more than three days, the number after the period goes up by one.
Rule #4. The number before the period increases either after: A. A HUGE change is made to the map from previous version to this one. or B. You have hit version X.9 and have nowhere else to go but either add a number, or go up one.
Reason #3. Pandamine (Continued):
Pandamine decided that the map should have a builder named after him or some other person. BAD idea for a few reasons. #1. Yacapo (the FIRST editor/ Original Creator) has NOTHING named after himself in the map. and #2. The only things that have names are people that helped Yacapo edit the map. The things they have are CRITTERS.
Reason #4. Pandamine (Yes, again):
Pandamine SUCKS at JASS. Period. Took him like 3 months to do nothing more than add a changing experience table based on the number of builders in a game. I HONESTLY could do that in maybe 2 hours using GUI and it would look just as pretty. -.- Fucking dumbass.
Reason #5. Pandamine vs Darox:
Alright, so this has been a VERY heavy topic on the TWO Island Defense websites. Darox, one of the original editors, has seen Panda's versions, and been QUITE disappointed in them. Darox decided that he would come back and help Panda to create a better map. Of course since Panda is an idiot (As we all now know), Darox and him could not agree on ANYTHING and refused to work together on the map. Darox is a much more skilled editor, and I personally believe he has MUCH more of a rite to edit the map than Panda does.
Reason #6. There are now TWO fucking maps, and TWO fucking websites:
Do you know how annoying that shit is? Now I have fucking THREE forums I have to check up on. I have 0 posts on those two, because they're both just straight DUMB. Both of the maps are almost EXACTLY the same. Darox's (2.8.6) has a Draenei builders, whereas Panda's (2.8.5i... Fucking I! wtf!?) has a Satyr limit, and "Alpha Testers Only" Panda and Puppeteer builders.
Reason #7. US East:
I live in Los Angeles, California, so I play on US West. I always hear about how East is SOOO much better for Island Defense because of the legendary Kyleep and Murs. I get IP banned from West because I couldn't get a CD key for my fucking GHost Bot (Dumb move by me), so I decide to play on East until it goes away. It's AWFUL. Yes they have Kyleep and Murs, but they play DotA... All the time. East also has something West does not have. ---> Stupid mother fucking dumb ass POSERS trying to play Island Defense. These are the people who join your "Super Pros ONLY!" games, and sit on the left side of gold mound as a Morphling in Builder form harvesting a cool 8-9 squares away from a tree... With no walls... They piss me off.
Reason #8. Murs and Kyleep:
Alright, so these two are supposedly the BEST Island Defense players to ever live. I HIGHLY fucking doubt it. Back before Murs changed his name, he was "Commander_Baka" on US West/East. He was AWFUL... I played with him as Titan and as builder. I beat the ever living SHIT out of him EVERY game... I went to his clan (Name escapes me at the moment) and started yelling at him for sucking so much dick (again, probably a dumb move). Everyone in the clan is all like "You don't know wth you're saying. Baka is the BEST!" MY FUCKING ASS! This kid sucked sooo much cock it was ridiculous. Yes, after time we all get better, and he has. He is a much better titan than I am now. This is mostly because I host, and never have to play Titan. Also, since I'm pretty much the best player on West (Don't criticize me, I'm serious) I ... around a LOT in my games.
Kyleep is probably pretty good. I don't know for sure though. I have never played a game with him, but I would really enjoy to. SO yeah. Not much to say about him. Murs really grinds my gears though.
Reason #8. Stupid People:
Yes this is sort of reminiscent of Reason 1, but at the same time very different. By stupid people, I mean a few things. Firstly, I mean people that decide that pinging has no value. You know you've played the games where you have done it too (I know I have lol) but still. It's annoying, and I believe it needs to stop. Secondly, I mean Satyrs. EVERYONE wants them, but everyone sucks with it. I will touch more on this in Reason 9 or 10. Thirdly, I mean people that wall poorly, and then disagree/yell at you when you try to help them. I've seen people put 2-3 walls and then tower. It's ridiculous, and it upsets me. Especially when that bullshit happens in my "Super Pro ONLY" games. Usually I go about things in a decently nice way. I ping the base, and say "You wall poorly." (Like I said, decently nice) They generally respond with "stfu" or "Don't tell me how to play you stupid noob". Or, they just decide to not respond. Pisses me off. This also leads me to my next reason.
Reason #9. People that suck, but think they are the FUCKING SHIT.
Like I had said in my last Reason, people that suck but think they are amazing are super annoying. They base [decently] and then they sit around. I generally try to pick out of the 2nd tavern, (When I don't random) as those builders are more entertaining to me. I end up with mag or Demon and I decide that I will go help these retards. I start to kill their walls and towers to make the shit better, and they get all pissed off, ban me, and rage quit.
Reason #10. Satyrs:
Just in general, Satyrs are the gayest thing to have ever hit Island Defense. Yes, they're fun, but they're BAD. Everyone sucks at Satyr. I have seen ONE, count it, ONE, person aside from myself that can play Satyr and not suck a giant black dick at it. It ISN'T that difficult. I have honestly started to pick Satyr in these versions just so that no one else can. I don't like it that much because it's boring. You can't do shit with a Satyr. I generally gold the ... outta the titan for the first 15-20 minutes. Grab some upgrades, and then start stalking his retard ass. Everyone calls me a noob when I follow him, but I end up making more gold and lumber from doing it. idk. It's dumb. In my version, NO SATYR! I love the concept of him though. [Hit titan, BAM! You've got gold!]
Reason #10. Titans:
90% of the people that play Titan suck dick at it. They know this too, so they stop trying after their first failed attempt. Personally, I -exp the titan almost every game at like 20 minutes, and get called a noob for it. If I'm not host, I feed the shit out of them. If they suck, I want a decent challenge. People need to stop giving bad Titans so much shit. Yes, it's annoying, but NO ONE can get better if they get pissed off all the time. Also, no one wants to play a game with 10 other whiney ass bitches that can't accept the fact that you're nice enough to even fucking try to play Titan. Now, I do believe that they shouldn't be joining "Super Pro" games to play Titan if they suck. That's dumb. The other thing I hate about the Titan, is the people that play them, and start bitching because "This titan sucks DICK". All titans are about the same. They all have 5 skills with the same premise. Then an ultimate which is different between each Titan. If someone is "Good" with one titan, they are "Decent+" with every other one. The only two with exceptions are Granticles and Breezerious. Granticles has the biggest load of shit nuke (... you Pandamine!). Breezerious has no slow poison. This makes NO sense. Slow poison is one of the only things that lets Titans do well. [Slow poison in middle of mound = kill 85% of the time].
Alright, since I do not want to get into a Reason 11, I have decided to add Minions to this reason. Minions are dumb. Just straight up, they are dumb. I believe that minion control should go DIRECTLY to the Titan for a few reasons. My first reason is that 90% of the Titans I see punish their kills anyway. If not all of them, the first minion is almost ALWAYS punished for the reason of guarding the mine. My second reason is that minions aren't that helpful for some Titans. Yes, there are some where minions are super awesome, like Granticles and Demonicus, but on Titans like Breezerious or Moltenious. (I probably spelt those wrong, but I don't care. lol) The final reason is that minions played by stupid people steal feed. There is always that one minion that decides that they are important. Guess what Mr. Minion... You AREN'T! You're not important, so stop taking his fucking fruit trees. Kicking is a wonderful thing. {I don't know about you guys, but when I kill someone that says, "Red, he punished! Make him give it back!" [or something along those lines. Something that shows you that Red knows the kid you have just killed trying to gold when you CLEARLY windwalked in center. (freaking stupid people)] I kick the shit out of him. I type that stuff so fast you'd think it wasn't even possible. BAM! "-kick [every color of anyone I've killed]" Just so that when Red starts lagging a little bit and I know he's going out for that custom kick, he's fucking up the ENTIRE game. I blame him and his dumbass friend. If the friend didn't suck, nothing would have happened.} Last reason is minion suiciding. No, it doesn't happen as often as it used to, but it still does, and it's a bitch when it does. There's also always that butt hurt minion that decides to trap you in when you're making that last blow on a strong base so you die. You never realize it until it's too late. Even if you have the ankh, you're boned. There's nothing you can do once it's hit "That time". All in all, Minion Control ---> Titan. It should up to the titan (from the second the kill happens) if the player gets to keep it.
EDIT!: I have added a few more since the first post. (Reasons 8-10) More will come as I find more shit about Island Defense that pisses me off. I also added more to reason 10. I think I'll just keep adding shit to different Reasons that I already have up there.
Please, I value input to this. I really want to know what you guys think. (Island Defense related please!)
(((I changed the title because I thought this sounded cooler. Yes, I know "Offensiv" is misspelled. "(Offensive)" wouldn't fit with the rest of the title, and I am obligated to say that it is, in fact, Offensive.)))
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